Post originally written 13 May 2019

Two years to the day my father lost his battle with cancer. During these two years I have been through the five stages of grief as explained by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. During his battle I did most of my bargaining, not with the medical professionals, but with God, asking for a little more time with him. I got 9 months from the time of his diagnosis. Denial came soon after my father’s death, every car that looked like his I would look to see if it was my father. This was my unconscious denying what my conscious already knew. Depression or unexplained sadness has hit me during the most inopportune times during these two years.  I cope with this my letting it happen and allowing memories of my father to come to me. Allowing tears to slip down my face. Anger has popped up when life has happened, be it good or less than good events. I want to share these moments with my father only to realise he is no longer there, and then anger sets in. These moments pass by once again by me thinking of my father and remembering what he would say or do. I have moved back and forth through these stages, even acceptance. Two years later I can look back and say “Daddy you live on in my heart and in my mind. You helped shape me, in life and in death, into the  woman I am today”.