Every October, during Mental Health Month, our feeds tend to fill with well-meaning messages about “ending the stigma” and “prioritizing your wellbeing.” And while these are vital, I want to pause and reframe the conversation slightly.
In my practice, I often meet people who come in feeling… broken. They use words like “fix me” or “something is wrong with my wiring.” They present their anxiety, their depression, their trauma, as a malfunction that needs a quick repair.
But here’s the truth I wish more people understood: Mental health is not about erasing your pain or “fixing” what is inherently broken. It is about understanding your story, and learning to unravel the knots within it.
The Myth of the “Finished Product”
We live in a culture obsessed with solutions. We want the life hack, the 5-step plan, the 30-day transformation, the quick fix. This mindset tricks us into believing that a healthy mental state is a final destination—a place of perpetual calm and happiness where difficult emotions no longer exist.
This is a dangerous illusion.
Human beings are not machines. We are dynamic, ever-changing organisms shaped by a lifetime of experiences, relationships, and biological factors. To be human is to feel a full spectrum of emotions, including grief, fear, anger, and anxiety. These are not signs of failure; they are signals.
From “What’s Wrong With Me?” to “What Happened To Me?”
One of the most powerful shifts in therapy is moving from a question of blame to a question of understanding.
· “What’s wrong with me?” leads to shame, isolation, and a feeling of being defective.
· “What happened to me?” opens the door to curiosity, compassion, and context.
That critical life transition, that past relationship, that childhood environment, that societal pressure—these are the threads that, over time, can become tangled into the knots known as anxiety, depression, or burnout. Your mind isn’t broken; it’s often doing its best to protect you with the tools it learned in a different time.
The Courage to Unravel
So, if the goal isn’t to “fix,” what is it?
The goal is to cultivate the courage to sit with yourself, gently and without judgment, and begin to unravel those knots.
Unraveling looks like:
· Noticing your thoughts instead of being swept away by them. (“I am having the thought that I am not good enough,” vs. “I am not good enough.”)
· Naming your emotions as they surface, giving them space to be felt without letting them dictate your actions.
· Connecting the dots between your present-day triggers and your past experiences.
· Learning new skills to soothe your nervous system when it’s in a state of survival.
· Practicing self-compassion when you stumble, speaking to yourself with the kindness you would offer a dear friend.
This process isn’t always linear, and it’s rarely easy. It requires patience and, often, the support of a professional guide. But it is in this unraveling that we find our agency. We discover that we are not helpless victims of our minds, but active participants in our own healing.
This Mental Health Month, I Invite You To…
· Shift the narrative. Talk about your mental health not as a problem to be solved, but as a landscape to be understood.
· Practice curiosity. The next time you feel a difficult emotion, ask it, “What are you trying to tell me? What do you need?”
· Reach out. If you feel tangled in knots you can’t loosen alone, consider speaking with a therapist. It is not a sign of weakness; it is a profound act of strength.
You are not a project to be completed. You are a story that is still being written. And every time you choose to understand a single thread of that story, you are honoring the true spirit of mental health.
Warmly,
Dr. Adilia Silva